Dare to Self Improve

One of the best ways to keep self-motivated and consistently be pretty productive, is to make an effort to see into the SHORT TERM future, and compare the feelings you will have, to the way you feel now. Basically, this is a more productive way of goal setting. A lot of people set goals for too far into the future and as a result, they never materialize.

I would bet 90% (or more) of New Years resolutions never come true.

This is because people have a natural tendency to pracrastinate, and most yearly goals aren’t things you can just bang out in a night. YOu have to work at them. People make resolutions to lose weight, but after a week of healthy eating, are back to their old selves. One whole year just seems to long to sustain! Mentally, YOU HAVE to set very short term goals.

Tomorrow, I’ll discuss my specific strategies.

Being disciplined about getting your own stuff done is one of the hardest things to do. For this reason, I’d say 90% of people I know are pretty good procrastinators. Through school, I’d say I was somewhat above the curve. I usually got projects finished before deadlines and was rarely if ever, working until the last possible minute. Most of my motivation was because I enjoyed the relief of not having the burden of something that MUST get done.

Now that I’m out of school however, there’s not a whole lot of things that have hard deadlines for me that I feel like I HAVE to get done. Somehow though, after some introspection, I’ve become even MORE disciplined about my own personal output. How? You’ll just have to wait and see!

I’m going to give you one more example of “good teasing” that makes people feel drawn to you! My neighbors recently had a little party. One of their friends, Laura, is a nice girl but has a very weird complex about touching people. It’s not that she’s a germaphobe, it’s just that she needs to feel a certain sense of comfort.

Now my roommate Danny teases her by calling her “no touch.” She obviously didn’t like this and the two of them never got along. I however did the opposite. I repeatedly made a great big effort to come give her a great big hug (specifically because I knew she was scared). All night, anytime we remotely agreed on something, I’d tease her and say “ahhh give me a hug!” Guess what? By the end of the evening, we were buddies and she was giving me hugs! Her friends said they had never seen that happen with her!

It’s all about fun, playful, non-malicious or overly depricating, teasing!

The other day I was at the grocery store in the produce section and a lady was checking out the apples. She went to pick one up to inspect and somehow it slipped out of hands and fell to the ground. In the process of trying to catch it, she knocked another one off as well.

Normally most people won’t say anything to save her from embarrassment. The old me wouldn’t have said anything either. So what did I do?

Me: “BUTTERFINGERS!”
Lady: “Heeheehee! That apple got away from me”
Me: “Maybe you should let me pick for you. I don’t know if the store can afford your business!”
Lady: “Hehehe! Common now I’m not that bad.”
Me: “In fact I think they have a three strikes policy. Two more slips and you’re banned! And don’t even think about going NEAR the watermelons!

After some more banter, we went our separate ways, but this funny interaction made a mundane activity like going to the store, much more entertaining for both of us!

Teasing is a very fine art form indeed. When used properly, you gain affection and rapport with people almost immediately, but when misused, not only do you NOT gain rapport, but people actually dislike you! Tease with caution!

The thing is to aim for verbal jabs that make others laugh WITH you! The key is to use LIGHT teasing. You want to joke about things that they do or say in the moment rather than things that are an actual part of them. For example, NEVER joke about things like what they’re wearing, how they look, or anything that could possibly offend them. On the other hand, ALWAYS point out snafu’s like if they do something clumsy, if they misspeak, if they forget something…these are things that are ok to joke and tease about because they are not an ingrained trait. Make fun of things people DO but NOT what they ARE.

I’ll provide some actual examples of what I mean next time.

Teasing is a great way to build great rapport with people. Surprising right? Well its true…to an extent. There is a definite art form to teasing however. When used correctly however, people will love you! Why? Because most people only tease people they know, and/or care about. When you first meet someone and you start cracking jokes and using some light teasing, it vastly accelerates the “familiarity curve” and they immediately feel more comfortable with you!

Today for example, I went to a good friends barbecue and met a bunch of his extended family. I got along great with everyone, and later, Jeff told me how much his familty loved me! He said they thought I was very funny and genuine. Believe it or not, I teased a lot of people! So what is in the art form? Tomorrow!

So I know that sometimes this blog might come off as kind of preachy. But, I guess that’s sort of the point, right? I maintain this blog and post everyday about things I’ve learned that contribute to my living an awesome life. Of course there are a myriad of things I don’t know about, but posting them would be of no benefit to my readers! People come here to get tips, or my insight on certain issues; those issues in which I have some sort of expertise and background. As a result, I don’t feel too bad about being a little preachy

I also have a huge ego, so I definitely don’t mind flaunting my perceived expertise It’s much easier to do this sort of thing on a blog though. In person, I rarely ever offer advice so directly as I do here because I think it would come off as a little pretentious.

Anyways…just wanted to get that taken care of. Back to your local preaching!

I consider social distractions to be positive distractions. What do I mean by this? Well, when I’m at the coffee shop writing, I LIKE being distracted by and interesting conversation going on nearby, or a beautiful woman walking in, or an unusual sight. Not only does it provide me a little break from my work, but it also helps me with my own ongoing odessy to be my “most social self.”

When I hear something interesting, my instinct is to keep to myself, but most times, I step out of my comfort zone and chime in! Usually it results in having a pleasant interaction with someone and thus brightening both of our days!

Similarly, if I see a beautiful woman sit down near me, my heart starts racing if I start considering the possibility of talking to her. The easy way out is to just sit there. The outcome that has more potential for fun, is talking to her! Either way, I consider this a positive distraction. Luckily, I disciplined enough to get back to my work when I need to though

In the spirit of working in bursts, I do a lot of my writing at my favorite coffee shop here in La Jolla, Ca. This place has a great ambiance, lots of different people, and is always somewhat busy. It provides the perfect break for me in between my bursts of writing, to look up, people watch, or interact with a few people.

It’s interesting how much more productive I am at the coffee shop though. Why is this? Even though there are MORE distractions and activity happening around me, most of the potential distractions are POSITIVE distractions. To be more concise, these are things that may interrupt my work, but I don’t mind because, in the long run, they are actually beneficial to me. So what do I mean by this? Stay tuned until tomorrow!

I am sort of a restless person by nature. I like to constantly be doing things, and don’t really like a bunch of down time. A nice Sunday lounging around doesn’t really appeal to me.

As a result, it’s easy for me to get distracted. When I’m working on the computer, I’m constantly tempted to check certain websites, or watch certain videos on youtube. It takes a great deal of discipline for me to work (or do anything stationary and undynamic) for long time periods.

However, I am a believer in working in “bursts.” I like having many projects to bounce between because each time I return, I view them with a new prospective! Sometimes these bursts are as short as 10 minutes, and others can last for hours (if I’m really on a roll). Even for a long burst though, I’ll always return and review what I’ve done with a fresh mind. It allows me to make changes and make my product even better. More to come!